{note to self} hand holding and other dreamings

To my lovely friends who are wonderfully and beautifully happy with your significant other: believe me when I say, I am so extremely happy for you. This is not a post to make you feel guilty, it is simply my thoughts on what I have observed and how I have determined to handle the current situation. All this to say, you may continue to hold hands and skip into the sunset through the ever so romantic wildflower fields and I am by no means judging you. 😉

She looks down forlornly at the book in her lap. It’s obvious she can’t concentrate on the words and her eyes keep drifting. Suddenly he comes up behind her, picks her up and twirls her around. She smiles the biggest smile and of course it ends with a kiss.

As the credits role, you’re smiling, happy that the character is with her true love at last. However, as you look down forlornly at the rather large (and empty, I might add) bowl of ice cream in your lap, you can’t help but let out a sigh. Casually you glance behind you, just in case there was that slight chance that he was standing behind you in that moment, ready to pick you up and twirl you around. But, to no avail, there is no such thing and instead you flop on your bed and stare at the ceiling.

There’s this season in life, usually beginning with the graduation of high school, where by some strange force of nature it seems that all your friends have magically fallen in love. Ok, let’s be honest, obviously, not all of them have fallen in love. However, it’s easy to feel left out when you see adorable relationship quotes under the equally adorable picture of your friend and their new found significant other. Then, all of sudden, there’s a ring in the picture and you receive an invitation to the wedding.

The easy thing to do would be to wallow in self-pity whilst clicking through your love-struck friends’ engagement pictures. Or gather your single friends and vent about your love life… or lack there of. Yes, there’s even the option of pigging out on junk food and watching sappy romance movies. (I must add here that I will not confirm or deny that I have done any or all of these things.) However, might I note a few things?

{note to self} I am not entitled to a significant other

Seeing friends coupling up is tough when it seems that you are the only one who’s not a couple. The whole “Woe is me” vibe seems to be going pretty strong in your book and you spend a scary amount of time wondering why you are not a couple with some amazing out of this world person. Most likely, you are not the problem, your mindset is. If your only reason for wanting to be in a relationship is because you feel you are ready or that you should have one, you are not ready. A romantic relationship is not a right, it is, in fact, a real relationship with another real person. A person who has their own set of emotions, passions, needs and desires. If you begin a relationship with the mindset that you are entitled to one, the whole relationship is based off of what you can get out of it. If a relationship stems from self, it will, inevitably, fall apart. Nothing can stand if you try to be the center of it and if that is your mindset you are not ready for a relationship. Which brings us to the next note…

{note to self} Being “single” is OK

I use “single” in quotation marks because, what even is the meaning of that word? Single literally means alone, only one and I’m pretty sure you’re not alone. You have family, friends, and most importantly God. You are never alone. Perhaps it sounds cliché, but nothing is more important than realizing that you can never be alone. Even if family and friends have left you, God will never leave you or abandon you, and that is an absolute promise. However, in the worldly sense of the word, being “single” should not be looked down upon. Even the apostle Paul says he wishes everyone would be unmarried. (of course, that would be bad… so, let’s be glad Paul didn’t get his wish.) But, what Paul does say about unmarried men and women is this,

32 “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” -1 Corinthians 7:32-35

Paul isn’t trying to condemn married life or put one on a higher pedestal than another. He is simply saying, embrace being in this season! Singleness is a beautiful time of devoting yourself fully to the Lord and fully immersing yourself in His presence. Of course couples can do this as well, but as Paul explained they also have another person that they need to have oneness with. You being single means that you have no commitment to oneness with anyone outside of God and you can focus solely on Him. Isn’t that fantastic? Your aim should not be to “find your perfect match”. If you are living your life with God as the focal point, people will see that and the right one will be attracted to that.

And lastly…

{note to self} stop looking!

Another cliché, heard it before type of note, but honestly, it’s the truth. Being desperate is not attractive. But, being desperately and wholly devoted to God is. This is not to say you must lock yourself in your room and wait for “the one” to come ringing your doorbell. But, in social settings or any type of setting really, instead of looking at someone as a potential, look at them as a friend. Honoring them not only with your words and actions, but also with your thoughts. Understand that when the time is right, you will meet someone special and it will be lovely. But, until then, be happy where you are. Yes, it’s natural to be attracted to someone, and it’s natural to want relationship with others. But it is so important to realize and determine in your heart that you accept where you are at and that you will serve the Lord in this season, however long or short it may be.

And so, as I sit in this coffee shop, alone with my computer, my headphones, my Bible and of course a cup of coffee. I will be happy and content with the fact that every season has a purpose. That the right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing. That being patient is a wonderful character quality to build and right now is the perfect time to build it. Also, that the cute guy sitting across the room from me may or may not be single, perhaps he’d like to read my post? Just kidding ;).


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